The SET-UP: Five young kinky actors and their artistic director come to a desolate and nearly forgotten burial island, complete with a morbid history of MURDER, RAPE, CURSES and DEMONS. Alan (Alan Ormsby), the brilliant but bizarre Director of the company, has brought them to this foreboding place to dabble in witchcraft; specifically to dig up a fresh corpse and use it in a ritual ceremony which is supposed to raise the dead from their graves. The PAY-OFF: It seems as though Alan has really gathered his “children” here, only to play a practical joke on them and then to party the rest of the night away. However, the joke’s on Alan. His bizarre ritual ceremony really does raise the dead from their graves…only they’re in no mood to party! NOTE: “BENJAMIN” CLARK is really “BOB” CLARK, the creative director behind the hit films PORKY’S, BLACK CHRISTMAS and A CHRISTMAS STORY among others. ALAN ORMSBY, though he turned in what has been described as “…one of the most obnoxious screen performances in history!”, has actually made a mark for himself as the screenwriter for such memorable films as MY BODYGUARD, CAT PEOPLE, KARATE KID 3 and PORKY’S 2

For thoughts on Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things, please check out our discussion on The Video Attic:

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Video Quality

VCI Entertainment presents Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things with a 2160p transfer in its 1.85:1 aspect ratio sourced from a new 4K restoration. Some fans may be disappointed that this disc lacks HDR, but there are still benefits to having this in 4K UHD in SDR. That being said, this is the first 4K UHD release from a company known for not providing an A+ presentation with their transfers, and sadly a new format does not drastically change things. While nowhere near as disastrous as the recent debut from Full Moon Features, this release is not going to be used as a shining example of the format.

One of the big issues with this release is the simple fact that it has always been one cruddy looking film. The low budget conditions were not conducive to stable production environments, so fine detail has never been particularly discernible in the darkness. Black levels have been somewhat tightened up, but there are still some baseline limitations holding things back. There is also some crush on display, even if it is less apparent than the Blu-Ray counterpart. Without HDR as an option, none of the colors make a specific impression outside of possibly a yellow shirt worn by one of the girls. The picture seems saturated well enough, but there is not enough going on to stand out.

The increase in fine detail in elements of the production design, clothing and even facial features are appreciated. The grain field mostly remains intact which aids the base improvements in detail. The transfer itself is also slightly inconsistent from scene to scene when it comes to color timing and stability. There are many scenes that look exceptionally soft, which is likely the byproduct of the quality of the transfer and the base source. The practical special effects look pretty good, and the contrast is not trash. A good deal of damage has been cleaned up, but this transfer still features many signs of wear and tear. This is not the absolute worst 4K UHD Blu-Ray on the market, but we hope the label can become more consistent in the future.

Audio Quality

The 4K UHD Blu-Ray disc offers up an LPCM 2.0 track that gets the job done as well as the source material will allow. There is no doubt that this low budget feature was not always capturing audio under the most ideal circumstances, but some interior environments are pretty strong. The dialogue comes through mostly clear in the center channel when not burdened by source limitations. The music and sound effects both sound somewhat restrained and do not fill up the room. The low end of the track is not in the business of providing texture. Outside of some light sync issues, you cannot fault VCI Entertainment for the deficiencies that are baked into this one. Overall it sounds as solid as you might want with minor room for improvement with the audio sync. English subtitles are provided for those who want them.

Special Features

4K UHD & Blu-Ray

Audio Commentary: Actors Alan Ormsby, Jane Daly and Anya Cronin provide a pretty lively, informative commentary track moderated by David Gregory in which they fondly recall memories from the production including how they all came to be involved with the project, the shooting locations in Florida, the motivations behind the costumes, their impression of their fellow performers, secrets from shooting and much more that is not to be missed.
Dreaming Of Death – Bob Clark’s Horror Films: A terrific 73-minute documentary in which various creative figures gather to discuss the wonderful, eclectic career of the late Bob Clark along with his personal background, their favorite memories of working with him and knowing him personally, how various works shaped his legacy and much more that is practically worth the price of admission.
Original Theatrical Trailer: The three-minute trailer is provided here.

Bonus Disc

2022 Alan Ormsby Interview: A 34-minute interview with the actor over Zoom in which he reflects on his involvement with the movie, the camaraderie of the cast members, shooting in the humid Florida environment, his involvement with acting and transition to writing, and much more that is a treat to listen to. The only drawback that is hilariously addressed as soon as you hit play is that the audio quality is not the best, but there are subtitles provided if you deem it necessary.

Confessions Of A Grave Digger – Interview with Ken Goch: A nine-minute archival interview with Construction Chief Ken Goch in which he recalls working in the Art Department with Forest Carpenter, shooting in Florida, digging graves for the shoot, his run-in with law enforcement, memories of Bob Clark and more.

Grindhouse Q&A: A nearly 12-minute video shot at a 2007 double feature screening featuring discussions with star/co-writer Alan Armsby, composer Carl Zittrer, construction chief Ken Goch, and Deathdream set decorator Albert Fisher. There are anecdotes about reshoots, what it was like working with Clark, secrets about the shooting locations and more.

Memories Of Bob Clark – A Tribute To The Late Director: A ten-minute archival featurette in which you first get a brief overview of the life and career of Bob Clark before getting some nice audio snippets from Jane Daly, Anya Ormsby, and Alan Ormsby in which they share their experiences with the late director following his passing.

Photo Gallery: A selection of promotional material, stills and more are provided here.

“Dead Girls Don’t Say No” Music Video by The Deadthings: A four-minute video is provided here.

“Cemetery Man” Music Video by The Deadthings: A four-minute video is provided here.

Tribute Video: A two-minute still slideshow underscored by music.

Radio Spots: A four-and-a-half minute selection of radio spots are provided here.

Booklet: The first pressing of this release comes with a booklet featuring the essay “Bob Clark’s Dead Things: Low-Budget Horror In The Sunshine State” by Film Historian Patrick McCabe which explores the production of this film.

Final Thoughts

Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things is a rough and tumble early effort from the late, great Bob Clark. While the movie is far from perfect, you tend to give it the benefit of the doubt thanks to the involvement of Clark. The narrative is fairly straightforward, but the pacing is a bit inconsistent in a way that will try the patience of less invested audience members. The practical special effects are a lot of fun, and you can see the early signs of directorial talent even among the messy moments. This is the definition of a mixed bag, but there is more good going on here than bad. VCI Entertainment has provided the film with a 4K UHD Blu-Ray release that barely passes its A/V presentation, but is much more commanding when it comes to the great selection of special features. If you are a fan of the director, that will be the main incentive to check this one out.

Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things: 50th Anniversary Edition is currently available to purchase on 4K UHD Blu-Ray and Blu-Ray.

Note: Images presented in this review are not reflective of the image quality of the 4K UHD Blu-Ray.

Disclaimer: VCI Entertainment has supplied a copy of this disc free of charge for review purposes. All opinions in this review are the honest reactions of the author.