‘El Conde’ Review – Not Enough To Sink Your Teeth Into

The idea of Pablo Larrain reimagining Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet as a bloodthirsty vampire should be more fun that what it is. There’s a rich history there and a full world of potential that could be created through such an idea. Sadly, it never reaches its potential and drifts into a hodgepodge of jumbled ideas with little follow through. Jaime Vadell plays Pinochet a.k.a The Count, a 250-year-old vampire ready for the end of his life. Only problem is he can’t seem to die. His wife Lucia (Gloria Műnchmeyer) has grown old, and the Count has refused to turn her. In secret, she has been sleeping with the butler, Fyodor (Alfredo Castro), whom the count has turned due to his unwavering loyalty. Lucia and the Count have five adult children as well. All lazy, corrupt, and easily manipulated. But each seeking their share of the final fortune they believe their father is holding on to.

Of course, The Count’s old papers are all in French, and they need a translator. Enter Carmencita (Paula Luchsinger), who translates the documents and interviews the family about their affairs and crimes. This is truly the highlight of the film as each member of the family confesses either to bribery, fraud, infidelity, or international crimes without a second thought. These scenes are deliriously comical with Carmencita’s wide-eyed, innocent encouragement and the willingness the kids are to confess. It’s so brazen and outlandish, it may look as if it were intended to be farcical.

The film doesn’t quite match that tone the rest of the way as it is ultimately a graphically violent film. The Count bashes someone repeatedly in the face with a hammer, cuts people’s chests open, rips out hearts then puts them in a blender for him to drink. These scenes are shown fairly often throughout the film, particularly without narrative purpose. It feels intentionally designed to be a disturbing image Larrain can revisit to keep the audience squeamish. There are several storylines going on at once: The Count trying to die, the hidden fortune, Lucia and Fyodor’s hidden relationship, the budding love the Count feels for Carmencita, her true role as a nun. All of it gets really muddled as the film goes along and none of the resolutions feel satisfying.

Then there is a third act reveal so absurd, its borderline offensive. The absurdity continues all the way through to the final credits. It will have you wishing for the same sweet release of death that Pinochet was asking for. When it’s all said and done, the absurdity of it all seems to be the point. A vampire wishing for death as if he can’t have it, even though we see multiple times that vampires can be killed by a stake through the heart or decapitation. Pinochet’s wish to die naturally is either cowardly or false. Especially as his final decision has him reliving his life all over again.

El Conde has an interesting premise and a ton of potential, perhaps in a different format. If anything, Larrain has given us a great starting point for a great graphic novel. But as a film, there is too much empty space in this tale, which Larrain fills up with metaphorical noise rather than substance or action. Edward Lachman’s gothic cinematography is the one true highlight of the film as it brings with it a chilling atmosphere derivative of The Count’s empty and violent nature. It is sad that it isn’t matched by a script that meets that same demand. The film teeters between absurdist cartoon fantasy and brutal historical violence, and it really needed to be one or the other.

El Conde is currently playing in select theaters and is available to stream on Netflix.