‘My First Film’ Review – A One Woman Esoteric Show 

Some movies are too intelligent for the mainstream. They speak a different language than anyone has ever expected or anticipated. Some films have a part of them that will always be fun and exciting, but also alienating. This type of film is destined for a niche audience; Zia Anger’s My First Film is of that kind.

The feature tells the story of Vita, reflecting on trying to make her first film 15 years ago. She reminisces on the mess that has been the process, triggering traumas of unhealed wounds. The line blurs and suddenly it doesn’t seem obvious whether the character that Vita has created is the one unraveling in the film, or, from behind the camera, Vita herself.

People hungry for the arts, for that unique different form of storytelling, for an active, exciting, and varied format, will find the film enjoyable. Anger creates a chopped and screwed piece, based on her lost film Always All Ways, Annie Marie. She uses young actress Odessa Young – of Shirley, Looking for Grace and The Daughter fame – as her muse, her “self” which she presents in the film as an egotistical, on the verge of a breakdown director, consumed with the arts but also with her place in the world as a young filmmaker. Someone self-expressive, confused, and passionate. It’s that unique feminine thumbprint, that unrestrained journey that makes the film intriguing to watch.

The film has one of the most awkward sex scenes ever to be on screen. Kudos to Anger for making it as realistic and uncomfortable as possible. Her complex, autofictional, multi-layered film captures the chaos of the artistic experience itself. Sitting through this scene with its anticlimactic ending has been one of the most artistically discomfiting moments of my life.

Young carries the film on her shoulders. She is the manifestation of a young, distracted artist, heavily inspired but burdened by the path she is carving for herself. She perfectly captures the essence of the semi-autobiographical version of Anger which she wants to create for herself in this film. On the other hand, Devon Ross as Dina, Vita’s best friend, and her movie protagonist, is grounded, and awkward. Ross is beautifully out of place and feels like she doesn’t belong on the set. That’s part of the allure of her character both in and out of Vita’s movie.

Anger’s directing style and voice are prominent all over the film. Her unique technique in editing the film -also credit goes to Joe Bini’s brilliant work- chopped and screwed like a song track that has been altered, slowed, and reversed, doesn’t make it easy for the viewer. However, that’s not how Vita’s storyline wants to be revealed. 

My First Film is not about what may go wrong with making a movie, but the fact that nothing may go right, and still the artistic presence prevails. Anger carries the film on her shoulders, like the Osiris myth, the mourning queen who searches along the River Nile for her husband’s corpse, collecting his remains and burying him, then uses her magic to give life to him. These young female filmmakers are on to something, digging for truth within themselves, but projecting it on the outside world. Thus the role of critics is taking them by the hand, supporting and nurturing their talents, but also pointing out where their flaws lie.

In this feature, Anger uses magic to collect bits and pieces of a broken film, a fragmented live performance, and a life. Through her self-described “only chance to make another film”, Anger has given birth to a phoenix, reemerging each time from the ashes, from the dust, fully manifesting to glow.

My First Film is currently available to stream exclusively on MUBI.