Before I Change My Mind is a coming-of-age film with a lot on its mind. Films like it typically have some kind of wanderlust in terms of how they broach topics of what adulthood means to different people. While Robin (Vaughan Murrae) does explore this in Trevor Anderson’s film, they do not feel like the proper focus of his debut feature-length effort.
It’s the year 1987, and Robin’s father Daniel, (Matthew Rankin) who works in information technology accepts a promotion that sends them both to Alberta, Canada from the Pacific Northwest. Robin struggles to fit into the new school there and immediately faces unwanted attention towards their gender. Bullying takes a front-and-center focus in the film but in a different way than we’re used to. Robin develops a relationship with Carter (Dominic Lippa), whose first words to them are “What are you?”
From the beginning, it’s plain to see what Anderson has planned for how we see Robin and how that may change over the course of the film. As they grapple with the internal compass of morality, the film shifts to their father’s personal journey. His issues, dealing with addiction and loneliness, are thematically influential and relevant to Robin’s development but because it manifests in an uneven B plot, it takes focus away from what would be Anderson’s main argument. They seem to share the film’s weight but end up diverging from each other in a way that challenges the formula but ultimately doesn’t engage thoughtfully.
Robin’s journey is compelling, however, as they participate in increasingly dangerous actions in attempts to impress Carter that take the form of the same bullying they were only briefly subject to. The obsession that Robin forms drives a wedge between Carter and anyone he spends time with. In retrospect, it leads us to investigate what bullying can look like when it isn’t so stereotypically obvious in its foremost aggressive form.
But the film makes this point so succinctly that it moves on to form another, then another, and then another that the arguments become a few too many for us to focus on. On top of Robin and Carter’s dances with danger, Daniel is completely oblivious to the women comically throwing themselves at him when they discover he is a single father. In work interactions, Daniel faces the hard-to-accept reality of his attractiveness to others, at the cost of giving in to peer pressure tied to substance abuse culture. This puts Robin and Daniel at odds with where they were at the start of their move.
Robin’s involvement in a local musical spinoff of Jesus Christ Superstar acts as a natural magnet for their father Daniel to understand them better and clear the air with the women vying for his attention. While hilarious as a production of Superstar is from Mary Magdalene’s perspective the catalyst of the event feels underutilized. The musical itself gets perhaps more attention than it deserves, which could easily be its own separate piece, with its recontextualization of Magdalene as a quasi-Madonna pop icon. But it manages to be of little consequence altogether despite how it’s juxtaposed against Robin’s very real crisis with Carter.
There are a lot of ingredients in the stew Anderson stokes but the more components thrown in the less important they are as a whole. The fire underneath however becomes a point of focus maybe a little too late when it comes to Robin’s sense of justice, which surrounds Carter almost entirely. His ultimate actions toward friends and enemies emerge late in the film playing like a delayed climax. The intended effect is still there but, after coming so much later after what Anderson has put before it, feels slightly neglected as what was once the main focus of the film and Robin’s emotional center.
It’s a different way to approach someone coming to terms with their identity & sexuality and it apologizes for nothing, which should garner respect from those who have shared any amount of Robin’s struggles. It comes across a little rough but there’s something in Trevor Anderson’s voice here that tells us he’s not even close to done. Before I Change My Mind is an intriguing debut that may hold the key to Anderson’s filmic language, however, it will expand only his ethics and time will tell.
Before I Change My Mind is currently playing in select theaters and is available on Digital platforms courtesy of Epic Pictures.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcBwrD-NlVA]
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Anya is an avid film watcher, blogger and podcaster. You can read her words on film at letterboxd and medium, and hear their voice on movies, monsters, and other weird things on Humanoids From the Deep Dive every other Monday. In their “off” time they volunteer as a film projectionist, reads fiction & nonfiction, comics, and plays video games until it’s way too late.
