‘Madame Web’ Review – Sony’s Spider-Man Universe Continues To Disappoint With Latest Misfire

There is no joy in reporting that Madame Web is as bad as you feared. Holding reviews off until the day before the film opens wide should’ve been the biggest indicator of its quality but there was a small semblance of hope that it could’ve been entertaining on some level. However, when the movie was over, a sense of anger couldn’t help but be felt regarding how Sony Pictures has treated their Spider-Man Universe characters. The studio owns the rights to a plethora of side Spider-Man characters and they intend on milking them dry no matter what the quality. While the two Venom films weren’t as bad as their reviews suggested, they still come in on the lower end of the comic book spectrum and the less said about Morbius, the better. If the studio intends to push out these films without the intention of putting in the work to get them right, audiences will continue to receive subpar material and Madame Web is just a recent example of Sony’s inability to understand their live-action comic book output.

Madame Web kicks off in 1973 in the Peruvian Amazon as Constance (Kerry Bishé) is in search of a rare species of spider that possesses magical healing powers. After Constance finally finds what she was looking for, she is abruptly betrayed by her bodyguard Ezekiel Sims (Tahar Rahim) because he wants what these spiders provide all to himself. Although she is left for dead, she is rescued by the jungle’s inhabitants who allow their magical spiders to bite her. The ceremony of sorts doesn’t save her life but it does allow Constance’s unborn baby to survive.

Thirty years later the film jumps to New York City where that unborn baby is now a fully formed adult named Cassandra Webb (Dakota Johnson) who works as an EMT alongside a man named Ben Parker (Adam Scott). If you’re wondering why that name sounds familiar, Ben is intended to be the uncle of Spider-Man’s Peter Parker. Weirdy, Peter Parker is never uttered by name but Emma Roberts’ Mary Parker is with child, and the birth of the child who would become Spider-Man, factors into these proceedings in a very ludicrous way. Cassandra has inherited her mother’s nature of being a lifesaver with no fear but her personality is obviously stunted due to how she was brought into the world. It’s a character trait that makes her a hero hard to root for because, as essayed by Johnson, she occasionally comes off as too distant and unlikable.

Cassandra’s life changes considerably when she rescues a man from a car on a bridge. After being injured during the rescue, psychic abilities are triggered and they allow her to see events that are soon to happen. This allows her to save three other women who are thrown into the plot including Julia Cornwell (Sydney Sweeney), Mattie Franklin (Celeste O’Connor), and Anya Corazon (Isabela Merced). This trio needs saving because Ezekiel is now seeking these women out for their demise because he’s being plagued with nightly visions that he will die at their hands once they become imbued with spider-enhanced abilities.

As directed by S.J. Clarkson, from a script written by Clarkson, Matt Sazama, Burk Sharpless and Claire Parker, Madame Web never raises stakes to a considerable level that conveys any kind of tension or even the slightest example of excitement. As a villain, Ezekiel becomes one of the film’s biggest problems. He’s not a compelling adversary and it’s hard to tell if it’s the fault of Rahim, the direction, or the writing as to why he comes off more cartoony than menacing. You can tell that most of his lines were largely done via ADR so every time he speaks it’s hard to not laugh at how unnatural he sounds. Rahim is a native French speaker but that doesn’t feel like the reason the line readings are off because they’re also staged poorly. Most of the time Rahim’s mouth is shrouded in darkness whenever he speaks while not wearing his costume. BTW, his costume is the best thing about the character although it’s a riff on Spider-Man’s suit that should make the audience think fondly of that character and wonder how things got so bad here. It also isn’t explained why the suits look so similar. Perhaps the audience should figure this is a comic book movie and if magical spiders give you extraordinary abilities, this is the signature suit to hide one’s identity.

Another factor making him a lackluster villain is that he hilariously has a hard time doing away with three average teenagers before their abilities come into play. Speaking of the three ladies that Cassandra becomes a surrogate mother to, the script does them no favors and it’s even more disappointing because the talent is there but Clarkson does nothing to realize it. What defines them are their stereotypical appearances which allows you to identify exactly who they are. Julia is the awkward nerd, Mattie is the sassy Black skateboarder and Anya fills the spot of Latina representation. There are no real attempts to flesh these characters out but, at times, the natural charisma and talents of their performers shine through. O’Connor and Merced fare the best while Sweeney seems a bit miscast as the gawkish Julia. The actress has displayed considerable talent, especially on Euphoria, but this a role that just isn’t right for her. Considering she’s currently riding the wave of Anyone But You’s success, she can bask in all that and just remember that she accepted this role in 2022 before she knew better than to turn it down.

Johnson is perhaps the most puzzling and frustrating performer in the film. Even though the Fifty Shades of Grey films are a part of her filmography, she has shown considerable talent in other projects once she was freed from that lucrative but absurd franchise. She can act and has proven that on numerous occasions so one had to wonder why she even accepted this role. It doesn’t do her any favors and makes it feel like her talents have taken a considerable step back. Most of the film’s problems come down to the writing and while maybe what they sold her on paper sounded better than the execution, it’s hard to imagine that this role screamed of one that she HAD to take. Maybe the Marvel name had something to do with it and even if it’s Marvel by way of Sony, it’s still an opportunity to headline a tentpole. Sadly, this wasn’t the one that she should’ve chosen to lead.

Other clunky mistakes come down to Clarkson’s direction. The action scenes are pedestrian and fail to excite. The music cues, which should’ve been fun, are also glaringly thrown to showcase that the film takes place in 2003. We see a billboard for Beyonce’s solo album as well as a clumsy reference to American Idol that gets a laugh for all of the wrong reasons. Honestly, the only reason for the period-piece nature of the story is to make it clear that it occurs two decades before the arrival of “friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.”

Eventually, Cassandra finds her way to Peru where her mother’s journey set up her unborn daughter’s future. It all leads to a drearily bad finale that also calls out to 2002’s Spider-Man because the only way these Sony Universe films seem to work for the studio is if they can make the audience remember some of this is connected in some haphazard way. What’s clear, across four of their live-action endeavors, is that they haven’t found the right talent to make these films stand on their own. Their universe has never really come alive in a significant way (save the animated Spider-Verse films) and Madame Web is just another example of how lifeless their properties continue to be.

Madame Web debuts exclusively in theaters on February 14, 2024, courtesy of Sony Pictures.