We all love praise and get upset if someone expresses criticism about our behavior, judgments about our appearance, or negative comments about our work. At first glance there is nothing wrong with that; we get upset about a lot of things every day. However, this is a special conversation, because the opinion of others affects self-esteem.
Why are we afraid of criticism and what does this fear lead to?
Worrying about other people’s opinions worries everyone to some extent. If we care what they think of us, we will try to keep ourselves within certain limits. And that’s fine. But to rely entirely on the opinion of others, ignoring their interests, means to live according to someone else’s script.
Such a person will not learn to make his own decisions. He has no opinion of his own, which means he will go on the account of another, believe other people’s words without any attempt to analyze what is said. You can take him anywhere, make him do anything stupid. It is easy to imagine how it may end
Another problem is fear of making a mistake. And the result is passivity, a reluctance to implement ideas. A person refuses the new and unknown, prefers to keep silent, shy to offer an alternative solution. The reason is all the same – fear of condemnation.
Of course, it is also possible to live this way. Listen to others, move along a set trajectory, not make mistakes and not be responsible for anything. But is it worth it?
There will always be someone who will judge you. But there will be another – a like-minded, companion, helper, and friend. A mistake is just an indicator to determine the right direction.
Resistance as a way of defense
From the previous section, we can conclude that passivity and lack of initiative are nothing more than a defensive reaction.
The inability to perceive criticism forces one to take a defensive position. One has to hide behind a wall of “doing nothing” to protect oneself from the arrows of condemnation. In this case, even the most innocuous comments made about the work or appearance, severely traumatize the psyche, and a person does everything possible to avoid painful situations.
In this case, it is better to seek professional help from a psychologist. This way the problem will be solved more quickly.
It is important to understand that criticism can be quite constructive, and can even be beneficial. Therefore, it is necessary to learn how to adequately perceive it. But first of all, let’s consider whose words are worth paying attention to.
Sources of objective criticism
Don’t assume that anyone who dares to admonish you wants to humiliate or bully you. It happens, but much more often people still act out of good intentions.
So, on whose criticism can and should be relied:
- Parents
Children often resent their parents for criticizing and correcting them, but one thing you should understand is that they want the best for you. Although we do not advise you to blindly follow their advice, we encourage you to pay attention, because often your parents have a lot of experience and often their advice can be useful.
- Teachers
The job of these people is not just to share knowledge. They are responsible for your education, which means they are privileged enough to evaluate your work. By the way, it is with strict teachers that students get the best results, for which they are grateful for the rest of their lives. But unfortunately we often don’t take criticism from them correctly, and being afraid of making a mistake in our homework we turn to essay help to get an A.
- The employer, the boss
If you get a job as a student, you are most likely a subordinate. The hierarchy obligates you to carry out all the instructions of the supervisor and listen to the feedback.
- Classmates, colleagues, roommates, friends
In this case, there is no hierarchy. Here everyone is equal and in the same conditions. Therefore, at first glance, no one has the right to make comments. But there are cases when criticism is simply necessary to ensure the comfort of communication or to solve a domestic issue.
The Right Reaction to Criticism
If you are endlessly pestering the irrepressible familiar option only one – to react as a flying stone. Reject, dodge, in no case respond in the same way and put a barrier.
Below we will talk only about constructive criticism. To perceive these kinds of comments painlessly, it is necessary to learn the following:
- In this case, you are being wished well. After all, if you don’t do the job properly, you risk losing your position. You are simply being told what to pay attention to avoid negative consequences. No more than that.
- You are being reprimanded to help. No one wants to offend you. Often a man himself suffers from the fact that he has to say unpleasant things. Try to put yourself in his place. As if you are a teacher or a boss, and your mentee did the job wrong. What would you tell him?
- Mistakes are normal. Allow yourself to be imperfect. You’re not a robot, not a computer, and a living person with its problems and experiences. Today you’re in great shape and coped with the task, and tomorrow you’re sick and cannot gather your strength.
- Your lapses are more likely to increase sympathy from other people. No one likes bullies and upstarts. They are not admired, they are feared. Look at those who have achieved real success and recognition. These are living people, they are not perfect, with a lot of flaws. But they are still loved and appreciated.
- Last and most important. It is not you who are criticized, but your performance of the role in a particular situation. Perhaps today you played it badly, but it does not make you worse in general. So in any case, do not take it on their account. After all, you – much more than just a student or an employee of the company.
Oh, yes! What does a healthy reaction to criticism look like?
Smile and nod your head. Thank them for their time and helpful advice. Conclude and be sure to correct any shortcomings.
Andrea Bell is a blogger by choice. She loves to discover the world around her. She likes to share her discoveries, experiences and express herself through her blogs. You can find her on Twitter:@IM_AndreaBell
