With the arrival of Valentines Day, thoughts of romance and love are thick in the air. When it comes to fairy tale romance, nothing tells the story better than that of a poor farm boy and his quest to reunite with his “true love.” Of course, I speak of Rob Reiner’s magical The Princess Bride. And while it spins a tale of romance, swashbuckling adventure and R.O.U. S (Rats of Unusual Size), it also offers many life lessons that do not necessarily have to do with love. So, let’s explore the wisdom of the Princess Bride.
Lesson One: If a poison is classified as being odorless, tasteless and colorless…smelling it seems like a poor way to verify its veracity.
Case in point: Westley has had his battle of wits with Vassini and won. Poisoning him with his wine by the use of iocane powder. This is the aforementioned odorless, tasteless, colorless poison. So what does Prince Humperdinck do when he comes upon the scene. He smells the substance, immediately declaring it iocane! “I’d stake my life on it!” If being odorless is all that is required, water could be iocane. It’s odorless. Besides, if you want to prove it, stake your life on it and try it! Yep! I was right! Clunk!!
Lesson Two: Repetition is vital in helping someone learn something.
Case in point: Indigo has been hunting the six-fingered man most of his adult life. He seeks vengeance for the murder of his father. But it’s apparently REALLY IMPORTANT for Count Rugen to know his name and why he is about to die. Hence, the introduction that never ends. “Hello, my name is Indigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die! He says this over and over and over again. By the third or fourth time (six times total), even the six-fingered man was tired of hearing it. “Stop Saying That!!” In the end, Indigo got his vengeance and Count Rugen got the point. And he certainly knew his name. Now we ALL do.
Lesson 3: Who knew that a power toilet plunger could suck your life away?
Before Count Rugen met his demise at the hands of Indigo, he was given the chance to test his self-made torture device on Westley. It was a basically a system of small suction cups that resembled mini clear toilet plungers. Run on a hydro system, it supposedly sucked life out of the body, a year at a time. With that knowledge, I will know that if under duress, I can use a bathroom plunger to defend myself. Stay back! Or I will suck your life away. Not to mention the horrible germs you will contract from this thing. Ewwww.
Lesson 4: Inconceivable DOES mean what you think it means.
Before the great Wallace Shawn who plays Vassini, meets his end due to iocane, he is fond of the word “inconceivable.” Everything is inconceivable. EVERYTHING! Eventually, even Indigo, who is pretty self-absorbed with his own quest, feels the need to question his use of the word. Especially when most of the things Vassini viewed as “Inconceivable” were happening at a regular interval. “You keep saying that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” Actually, it DOES mean what he thinks it means. It’s just that no one told the people who keep defying his interpretation.
Lesson 5: Ugly women really are offended by pretty girls taking love for granted…even if it’s just a Dream.
Buttercup dreams the King has died and she marries Prince Humperdinck. As she walks among the common folk she is booed. Not just a little bit but a lot by a rather unattractive woman who must be a professional booer…(if that’s even a word). She questions why she has married another when she had true love in her hands.
The Ancient Booer:
Your true love lives. And you marry another. True Love saved her in the Fire Swamp, and she treated it like garbage. And that’s what she is, the Queen of Refuse. So bow down to her if you want, bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo.
Moral? Don’t mess with a woman who would love to have had what you had. Even if WAS a dream.
Of course, as we all know, everything worked itself out and they lived happily ever after. And if you haven’t seen the Princess Bride, which I seriously doubt, then BOOOOOOO! It’s Valentines Day weekend. Watch this film and learn all about “True Love.” If you don’t believe ME, listen (read) Miracle Max’s opinion on the subject:
Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice MLT, a mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They’re so perky, I love that. 🖖🏻
Senior Writer at GeekVibesNation – I am a 50 something child of the 70’s who admits to being a Star Trek/Star Wars/Comic Book junkie who once dove head first over a cliff (Ok, it was a small hill) to try to rescue his Fantastic Four comic from a watery grave. I am married to a lovely woman who is as crazy as I am and the proud parent of a 18 year old boy with autism. My wife and son are my real heroes.
