If Tinseltown is consistent about one thing that puts the kibosh on all its creativity, progress, and innovation, it is the dump truck teeming with topical crap that makes you scream, “Get over it!”
For example, here is one for geeks that should resonate. When you say “David Ayer,” what other topic instantly comes up? Suicide Squad. It was 2016, Warner Bros. screwed the pooch, tried a remedial make-good (only they gave that to James Gunn), and fans have been clamoring for the #AyerCut ever since.
Fast forward to August 2023, and Ayer is still discussing Suicide Squad. He told EW.com that the entire experience “broke” him because Warner Bros. turned it “into a f@ck!ng comedy.” He had another flashier comment in the sub-headed article, but this is a family show. (Whoa!)
Can we just get over it?
You can’t capture lightning in a bottle twice. Zack Snyder‘s triumph over Warner Bros’ other fart-and-fall-down DC moment won’t happen again. They did David Ayer wrong, but they won’t allow the make-good moment of the year. That is too much fried crow to swallow for one phlegmatic, smoker’s cough throat.
It broke our hearts. It shattered Ayer’s. Yet, nothing will happen unless that lovelorn director and talented writer payloads the entire thing. And that ain’t happening either.
With that loving editorial side note, here are the top 10 Hollywood “Get Over It” issues people need to drop for good.
10. Can someone else get a job other than Samuel L. Jackson?
Does anyone have more free time to pick up a gig than Samuel L. Jackson? It’s not like he’s hurting for money, having done a couple of Star Wars films and 12 movies in the MCU.
Then, there’s the Guinness World Records–Jackson has been in 208 films and TV series and has the most films over $100M at the global box office (45).
The point is (in Jackson-speak): “Who the hell cares, m#th@f#ck@!” Get over it, you [insert expletive bleep farm here].
If the guy wants to work himself into a coma, that’s his prerogative. Oddly, if he is on the bill, people will plan to see it in the theater. Let the guy work and jack up his hair however often he desires.
9. Why do we make stupid people famous?
It’s a fact–society has a fascination with the stupidity of others. From those MTV twits on The Real World to the Real Housewives, “Cash me ousside, how bow dat” to Keeping Up with the Kardashians fans, their lunacy creates leadership.
Why?! Because the people who make them famous are looking for time–and brain cells–to kill. If there are train wrecks, there will always be bottlenecks who must look. Maybe it makes them feel good that their lives aren’t as seemingly messed up as those train wrecks on TV.
Get over it! They’re rich…and you gave them the money. Feel better? Yeah, me neither.
8. That would have killed anyone else.
Yeah, but it didn’t. That’s the wonder of cinema–stunt professionals (and a dash of CGI) can make the impossible, not so much. The problem is that some dodos see those stunts, smoke a blunt, and sing, “I believe I can fly.”
You can’t. Like, ever! Get over it!
Regardless of how often Rocky Balboa‘s face looks like a pimento cheese sammich, the average human can’t live through a beating like that. Stop shouting this at the screen unless your name is Tom Cruise. Those folks have help and supervision; you have a dream and a few fries short of a Happy Meal.
7. Why do actors whisper all the time?
Have you ever been amid a dramatic scene, and you want to yell, “Turn up the damn volume!” You’re so not alone, and even though cinephiles know that fact, all we do is complain.
News Flash: It’s intentional! Now, get over it.
The only dramatic scenes that are deemed effective are when two star-crossed lovers yell at each other in the rain. (Yes, I, too, have endured The Notebook.) Dialogue is supposed to draw you in, so these exaggerated guttural notes add to the moment and force you to sit on the edge of your seat.
Hey, it’s good for posture. Shut up.
6. The world is full of ugly people too.
Why do most movies have these smoking-hot people as the lead actors? As if we all look like that?! Hollywood is so prone to hiring “the beautiful people” that it’s funny or shocking when they swing and miss.
- Javier Bardem was not Desi Arnaz (Ricky Ricardo), not for one second
- Madonna was supposed to be Eva Peron during her heyday. Sure.
- Zoe Saldana is not a lookalike for Nina Simone at all–even with a prosthetic.
- And sorry, Angelina Jolie looks nothing like Gia Carangi. C’mon!
Get over it, people. Sex sells!
People would rather see Brad Pitt without a shirt than Steve Buscemi or Halle Berry in a bikini rather than Whoopi Goldberg—just facts.
5. Would you hold the damn camera still, please?
In the biz, it’s called “cinema verité,” Latin for “Buy a friggin’ tripod.” In heavy-duty action sequences, shaky camera work gives an authentic feeling. As if the person clutching their popcorn and sucking down Dr. Pepper wants to be on the shores of Normandy.
Does it cover up choreography purchased from a video game? Is it because the movie is being filmed on an iPhone? Who knows, but it’s more popular than it has ever been. It jacks with CGI and other special effects, too, but if that’s what the director is going for, oh well.
We all need to get over it on this one. If that’s not your jam, wait a minute. The visual carsickness will settle down soon enough. In the meantime, movie theaters need to start selling Dramamine.
4. That’s not in the friggin’ story!
Name the biopic, any biopic. Choose your favorite. Now, look deep into Page One of Google. It’s shocking how much you will read about overdramatization or completely fabricated information in a story. Sometimes, it’s a fake significant other or a made-up experience to give the movie some extra flavor. You know, for grins?
We know the story. Things are created out of thin air because it is more fun that way. It’s Hollywood. These people make ess up for a living. Get over it.
Oliver Stone‘s biopic of The Doors was considered a massive tub of crap by the band members John Densmore and Ray Manzarek. Zack Snyder took some liberties with the infamous Battle of Thermopylae in 300. Battle Rhinos, Zack?! Even the movie Noah made up “rock monsters” because Darren Aronofsky wanted to add some spice to the Holy Bible, like he wanted to go to hell or something.
Whatever the reason, this is why research and reading on your own is always preferred. Your teachers would be proud of you.
3. Can we stop [blank] swapping?!
Depending on who you ask, this is a political, ethical, moral, and sociological issue. Take the above picture, which incensed uptight soccer moms across the nation. Halle Bailey is cast as Ariel, who was a cartoon character. But now that she’s a real person she must be a dewy-eyed ginger, or there will revolt. Welp, there was.
Was it the “woke agenda?” Was it because no white-girl redheads applied for the job? Or was it because Halle knocked out casting directors with her voice and mannerisms–that was like Ariel’s?
Whatever the case, get over it and save your blood pressure!
This will happen as long as Hollywood has money. It’s inclusion—time to get used to it. Sometimes, the casting and swapping fail miserably. You want to find some joy in that; laugh then. Other times, changing the lead role’s gender, culture, or identity works well and critics have been sorely mistaken. The point is you don’t know what’s going to happen in a chemistry experiment until you try.
Sometimes, BOOM and a new airborne virus is born. Other times, it’s the cologne all the Mack Daddies want. Give it time and enjoy the movies.
2. Is Hollywood out of ideas?
Prequels, sequels, and legacyquels, oh my! There isn’t a single cinephile, critic, or customer of movie theaters that hasn’t asked this question. When some of these movies are dropped and earn $54.97 at the US box office, you think, “How did y’all not know that wouldn’t be the case?”
There have been 1000s of prequels, sequels, and legacyquels celebrated for months or years after release. No one complains then, but the Meg 2s of the world make your butt pucker.
That is a solid fact, but why do you care if a studio has a $75M budget to light on fire? Get over it! Millions of people feel like they were robbed of $15 on a ticket when viewing one of these wasteful ideas, but hey, you got an excellent order of cheese sticks and some much-deserved time off. Next time, save your money for a blockbuster like The Flash. Wait, scratch that.
1. Why reboot that?
Coming in at number one is a similar issue but requires a different rant. So many movies could have been the picture here, but the Josh Trank “What in the Sam hell were you smoking” moment of 2015 feels comforted in its familiar confines of “Why reboot that?!”
There is always someone, somewhere, who feels the inspiration and hubris of “I can do that better.” Hollywood is teeming with egomaniacal dimwits like that. Take Psycho in 1998, Total Recall in 2012, Point Break in 2015, or even a Hollywood staple like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory in 2005 or Ben-Hur in 2016. What’s next? Cecil B. DeMille is a little outdated so let’s recreate The Ten Commandments?!
It’s not worth your blood pressure spiking like Britney Spears in the party punch on a hot date. Get over it.
There will always be a reboot around the corner in Tinseltown. Keep texting on your phone and you could trip over one laying drunk in a gutter on Hollywood and Vine. It’s the circle of life.
Since he saw ‘Dune’ in the $1 movie theater as a kid, this guy has been a lover of geek culture. It wasn’t until he became a professional copywriter, ghostwriter, and speechwriter that he began to write about it (a lot).
From the gravitas of the Sith, the genius of Tolkien and C.S. Lewis, or the gluttony of today’s comic fan, SPW digs intelligent debate about entertainment. He’s also addicted to listicles, storytelling, useless trivia, and the Oxford comma. And, he prefers his puns intended.
